The Desert Excursion: 365 days in Iraq - a 24/7 Soldier Medic

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

This Fragile Life

I am tormented. This will seem like an odd post because I had something serious to say but I couldn't help starting off with a quick little story.

On a trip to Baghdad recently a fellow medic was having a little intestinal problem before and during the trip. Luckily, his medicine held up and we didn't have any issues on the road. When we got to Baghdad we found some transient housing and took a peek inside. There was a bed and one cot. Since I was going to eat and he wasn't feeling well, I offered up the bed to him. When I got back from eating I found my friend passed out on the cot and was confused. Why would someone pass up the bed?

I went to the bathroom and finished getting ready for bed just as the sun was rising over a city ridden with turmoil. Of course this room didn't have any shades so the light was beginning to pour into the space. I contemplated the situation and immediately decided that it was time to get McGyver on this window so I pulled out the essential tools: a towel, a sandal, a carabiner, a key, a paperclip and a gum wrapper. By the time I finished with the window a vampire could have slept peacefully that day (well maybe a few burns here and there). Now it was time for bed.

Ahh. . . a mattress. I laid down my sleeping bag and smoothed out the wrinkles. A t-shirt with socks stuffed inside served as a pillow and I prepared to relax. Everything happened except for the relaxation because as soon as I went to lie down I was immediately sucked into the middle of the mattress. I had effectively become the wiener in the hot dog bun. There was no moving from side to side, there was no moving at all. "Good one Adam, you got me good this time. Really funny", I said out loud as if he could hear me in his sleep.

All I could do was laugh. I tried flipping the mattress over and quickly realized the problem, there were no springs down the middle. You could fold this thing lengthwise (hot dog style for you still needing help visualizing) and I'm pretty sure that's not normal for a mattress. Oh well, I slept through it and woke up with a slightly sore back. As it turned out, Adam had actually decided to let me have the bed and had never tested it out before I fell into that Venus fly trap.

Although stress can be combated, it doesn't mean that it is not happening over here. Being here in general is stressful but the job itself can take a toll on the human psyche.

Events that occurred later on this trip has really thrown a lot of new feelings with inside of me. I know that I am physically and mentally strong but there are some things in life that you just can't shake. You see or feel things that you never want to think about again, yet you know that said occurrence will never go away until the day that you are sleeping eternally.

Everything I have ever thought or said about dealing with stress, time, and just living life to the fullest has risen to it's tumescence. I can honestly say right here, right now that life means more to me than ever before.

I know it's hard to believe but life comes to an end sooner or later, although I prefer the latter. No mortal is perfect and you can never have a full understanding of life, but I thank god today that I am alive and have the life that few on this earth have the luxury to enjoy. I have seen poverty and I have seen death, I never want to take my life for granted again.

With the good comes the bad,
~Nick ~

Thursday, July 20, 2006

A Not So Stressful Situation

"A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences and capable of affecting physical health." This is the textbook definition to stress.

Every person encounters stress throughout their lives and some would say that going to war should be the most stressful event in my life. At the beginning of this deployment I thought this was the case, but sitting under the starry night that every man, woman, and child sees anywhere in this earth I came to a realization. This is not as stressful as I once thought.

The many things that I thought were stressing have been brushed to the back of my head and I can see clearly now. Leaving my life behind, school, family, friends, and the like is a difficult thing, however, not something unable to be dealt with. When life throws a curveball into your plan you have to adapt and channel your energies elsewhere.

I sat outside with Sean and Parviz during the cooler dessert night tonight and I came to the realization that being here isn't that bad. I can adapt and overcome, to use the Army cliche. What I left behind is still waiting at home for me to finish it just won't be the same as when I left. Change is inevitable but necessary and let's hope this is only a temporary change.

I have learned from when I was young that stress is normal and can be harnessed, controlled, and put to good use. Many good things can come of this deployment. Seeing war first hand, lives taken by fellow human beings, is something that can never be forgotten but this will only further define who I am and what I believe in. In short, coming to Iraq and serving will allow me to come home with many things that I may have never seen, felt, or thought about before. It can only make me a stronger person.

I of course channel my stress through writing on this blog and through the sweat that I make at the Gym every free chance I have. Going through the stresses in my life before this war began prepared me more than anything, and having the knowledge of how to put stress to use has saved me from a horrible experience: a depressing year in a war.

Let's get through this and get home,
~Nick~

Sunday, July 16, 2006

tiempo, ziet, tempus, temps, tempo, χρόνος, tijd

I am exhausted. Forgive me, I beg of you, if this post comes out as tattered and inchoherent thoughts. It is 5:30 in the a.m..

Time is a funny thing. We quantify it using chronographs and act like we have mastered it but really all we have done is labeled it. Not many people for instance could give you a definition of time without using the word for the explanation. What day is it? A quick glance at my watch tells me that it is now the 17th of July. The day is inconsequential since nothing happens on any certain days here of significance, until of course football season starts.

Although this deployment is but half over, time is fleeting. I don't know what happened to June and I can't remember when it became July. I do know, however, that I will be watching the days closely for the next couple of weeks because I have a destiny with home for two weeks leave in August. I really should begin deciding what to do at home, but where is the time? In my head I dream about the green grass of the countryside and the clear lakes that feel oh too refreshing on a hot summer day in Minnesota.

Time. People rarely know how to manage it so that they get the best out of it. When do you sit down and do the things that you have always wanted to do? Do you keep pushing it off? If there are a few things that I am learning as I slowly enter adulthood it is that "time is of the essence" in all that you do. I don't mean that you have to rush or always be doing something, I mean that it is necessary to really look at how you want to spend your time and act on it.

Since I don't have a choice on how I spend most of my time for this 1 1/2 year deployment I know that when I get home I have a lot things to do and I will never take time for granted again. What is it that you want to do with your time? When you die will you be satisfied with how you managed this precious commodity?

Nick
-Tempus edax rerum-
L. time is the devourer of things (time flies)

Sunday, July 09, 2006

One of Saddam's palaces in Bagdhad

Local children during a patrol

Sean and I on a mission.